I'm obsessed with animals! Sorry...

I REMEMBER

I remember I couldn't wait for school to start. I remember being shy and scared of having no friends. I remember wanting to meet God. I remember the day I lost someone close to me. I remember cursing in my prayers. I remember pain. I remember wanting to always be alone, but it's not a memory anymore.

Sad chairs

Abandoned by my own...

The start of my poetry.

[our love]

They say our love will never last forever.

They think there is no commitment

They swear our love will not reach a happy end.

I say the hell with those who think they know us!

We should not believe it, we will not be scared!

We will burn our fears and bury the ashes.

Remember we were happy once?

Remember when we kept out love in secret?

When it came to the word "love", we were the definition.

Our love was immediate and forever.

TO BE CONTINUED...

How to survive No shave November?

How to survive No shave November? Or what you might call it "Noshamber".

Don't lie girls you always wondered that.
Admit it its not that fun kissing a guy with his hairy face...

#1. Ask him to shave... which no way he will do.

#2. Pray... pray hard!

#3. At night when he is asleep sneak in and carefully shave it all off. (Lets be honest guys will sleep through anything.)

extra

He was something

 special

Veteran of rejection

Once-in-a-life

 time thing

I suppose...

Blackout #12

  
       We 
    yearn to 

   know peace 

     in the 

  midst of chaos. 

You deserve

You deserve flowers on your bed

You deserve a warm coffee on a Monday morning

You deserve a morning kiss

You deserve breakfast in bed

You deserve a candle dinner

You deserve to be told you are beautiful everyday

You deserve “I love you”.

Count your blessings

Dear God thank you for another day
 
i woke up
 
i am healthy i am alive
 
i am so very grateful at this very second

just to be able to

just to be able to breathe

to be able to walk

to hear
to love
to live

every second is a precious gift

my life is not always perfect

but i am grateful!

I keep thinking (blog 10)

I used to think a lot

And then…

You came around, and everything fell apart

I still think

But instead of having math problems on my mind

Or thinking what plans to make for the next weekend

Or even daydreaming about all the love stories, and hoping I was part of one

No

 

My favorite daydream is now you

All I can think about is you.

I am thinking about you like writers think about writing

I am thinking about you like guns think about firing

Bullets… and pain

 I am thinking about you like sun thinks about shining

It thinks about hiding… shame

I am thinking about you like pants think about fitting, they think about sitting…

…And…they think about kneeling

I am thinking about you like rappers think about rapping and dancers think about stepping.

I am thinking about you like girls think about making love

And boys… boys think about sex.

I am thinking about you a lot!

 

I tried to stop thinking about you but instead i fail

I will keep thinking.

 

Thinking about you

 

Until someone else comes around

 

And then I will FORGET.

That boy

I want you to be there for me in the time when I need you the most.

I want you to wake up next to me and kiss me on my lips, reassuring me that I am yours forever.

I want you to kiss me when I stare at your mouth.

When I’m upset I want you to grab me and hold me close and tell me everything will be okay.

I want you to look in my eyes and not look away until I do.

I want us to sing together in the car and not care how weird it realistically is.

 I want you to sleep me with me. No, I don’t mean having sex. I just want to sleep. Closely cuddle up to you, under a warm fuzzy blanket with your arm around me. Silence.

I want you to send me a text when you know I already have gone to sleep so it will surprise me in the morning.

I want you to take silly pictures with me and be able to laugh at them many years later.

I want you to be the boy who I can trust and know that you will never judge me and fully rely on.

I want you to be the type of boy I would be willing to make a sandwich for.

I want you to tell me you love me only when you fully ready and you mean it.

When I am feeling down I want you to talk on the phone with me until I get better.

I want you to love me the way Romeo loved his Juliet.

I want to remember you forever.

I can’t even remember the last time I prayed

Feels like it was when I was just a little girl

I used to pray for God to take my nightmares away

I begged him to give me answers to my math problem

And now…

I am just scared:

“How do I pray?”

“Where do I pray?”

I wonder if I had to apologize for all these years I haven’t said a thing to him above?

I feel fragile

I kneel

Put my arms close together

And there comes nothing…

But I feel peace.

Realizing

God understands our prayers even when we can’t find the words to say them.

My bucket list: (to be continued…)

*Be woken up with a kiss

*Go to a drive-in movie

*Slow dance in the rain

*Travel all over the world

*Have a food fight

*Write a book

*Pay for strangers groceries

*Be a bridesmaid

*Go on a trip with love of my life

*Live by the beach

*Learn how to surf

Quotes

The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.

The measure of your success is in direct proportion to the obstacles you're willing to overcome. Be brave!

Good things come to those who Believe, Better things come to those who are Patient and the best things come to those who Don't give up!

Be the reason someone smiles today!

Everyone you know is fighting a battle you know nothing about, so be kind!

Peace

Why why why?

Would you dare to hold someone’s hand randomly at the mall?

Would you shout “I love you” to your lover in the middle of a huge crowd?

Would you sit by that “weird” kid in lunch room, just because he looked lonely?

No of course not!

We are too concerned about what others think?

But why?

Why are we so worried about other people’s thoughts instead of their feelings?

Why are we ashamed of being ourselves in front of our friends but not strangers?

Why is keeping good friends so complicated?

Why is trust so hard to find?

Why why why?

I can repeatedly ask this on my blog, but why am I so ashamed of asking all this in your face?

I don’t even know!

I love you more than...

I love you more than crispy bacon

I love you more than high heel shoes

I love you more than extra sleep on weekends

I love you more than summer shopping

I love you more than my morning coffee

I love you more than peanut butter jelly

I love you more than summer ice cream

I love you more than “koi” sushi

I love you more than birthday cake

I love you more than pumpkin pie

I love you more than melted chocolate

I love you more than the city Paris

I love you more than lazy Sunday mornings

I love you more than double stuffed oreos

I wouldn’t trade you for any cookies in the world

I love you more than life itself

I love you beyond measure!

Whatever heart might say someday (7)

His heart told him he was too weak, it said he lived too long now time to go

It argued, it gave him pain

Creating tears in his eyes.

He was alone now you know?

He had nothing and nobody to live for.

Everybody who knew him struggled being around him.

His heart told him over and over many times he was worthless.

His life was painful

He started believing everything everyone else told him.

He sat alone, he completely closed up

The kids ignored him because he was “different”.

He grew up not knowing what to be.

Drugs became his one and only escape.

His heart was weak now; he did not care for it enough.

He hated what he was.

His heart stopped beating.

His life was gone forever.

Quoting (post 2)

My favorite writing(not my work)

 

Death

I have always feared death, soon enough I realized dying wasn’t an option.

Sooner or later everyone dies, either a physical death or emotional.

I was scarred, it’s not the same anymore since that scary old man named Death took you by surprise.

You left so fast.

The coffin closed, goodbye my dear.

You were the only one that mattered.

I could have never thought you would be taken away so quickly.

I was lost, feeling lonely.

They said this life was just the beginning.

Over and over they repeatedly told me I will get to see your face again.

I couldn’t believe it.

I hope there is life after death; I wish to see you someday, not yet.

After you left I was a mess.

In a way I was dead, I had no emotions, no feelings left in my body.

Numbness overpowered me, I was dead but no one knew it.

I see now how hard it is to be living and how easy it is to die.

I wonder what would you do with your life if you had one more chance?!

Someday I better see you! You hear me now?

I will forever pray and keep you by my side!

 

Turn that volume up

 

Having a bad day?

 Well my advice to you my friend:  turn that music on.

Truly that is something that will calm you down almost instantly.

Make music be your escape.

 Get away, put your headphones in and listen to your favorite songs.

Music will put you in a place where you will be happy.

Music will allows you to connect and express feelings.

Music will touch you in your own way

Turn the volume up

Let yourself go

When it hits you, you will feel no pain. (Bob Marley)

It will change your thoughts, mood, and emotions.

Trust me it is the best way to get away from the world.

Life begins where fear ends

 

Courage.  Brrrr I fear that word. I fear I don’t have that.

I fear of many things:

Alright, alright ill share a little bit:

I am afraid to be alone… No not just alone in the room. Alone-as in no one in my life to care for me, no one to tell me that everything will be alright. In specific I’m afraid of losing my best friend. All my teachers tell me you lose most of your friends as soon as you get out of high school.

I just sit here and wonder to myself.

Will I lose you? Where will all our secrets go? Who will keep them for us my friend?

 

I fear of getting to close to people, because everyone who promised to stay…

Gone! Forever!

 

I fear of growing up, looking back at dusty pictures and wishing for those times to come back.

I feel selfish now, I have been wanting to move on with my life for so long…

But now I’m scared to be on my own.

Times flies. Times flies so fast.

I am afraid of failing. I have people telling me S*** about all these things I will do and how I will succeed.

UGH it bugs me, how do they know what will happen to me?

Especially if they don’t even know the true me right now.

Yes I am not me when I am at school.

I am scared to be me, the only place I can be me is home and with my best friend.

I fear of people talking behind my back, thinking no one can hear them.

But someone always hears, someone can always tell.

I just want to be happy, is it really that hard?

Of course not!

But I fear of not being able to find happiness when I grow up.

I am afraid of growing old alone.

I want him; I want to be waking up next to him, and his arms hugging tightly my waist.

I want to be able to tell him “I love you”.

And hear it back.

But what’s ironic is that, I am afraid of love.

I am afraid of being heart broken or breaking someone else’s heart.

I can truly keep going and going talking about my fears.

But there is no more time.

I wanted to tell you that I am afraid of you reading this…

But I found a little bit of courage deep inside me to post this.

Butterflies are flying inside me, but not those fuzzy ones

These make me shake…

And now I’m Breathless.

Uhhhhh

I let it go!

Arevoir!

Click click… Loading to be posted.

 

Memories

I used to worry about going out on windy days, why?

I believed that because I was so small the wind would just pick me up and carry me far away. I was afraid of heights and of tight spaces.

 My mind wondered a lot. I was creative; I could come up with something on the spot.

And now… Now I can’t even come up with a paper to write.

 I miss the old me, I grew up too quickly.

I used to stay late nights out and listen to the wind whispers and it would pick up this rhyme and sing peacefully.

I loved hearing bedtime stories.

I worried too much also, it wasn’t just all games and fun you know?

I wanted to be taller, everyone kept growing but me.

I tried to do worse in school because I did not want others making fun of me.

Only later in life I realized that being too smart isn’t a bad thing.

I feel like now everything is flipped upside down.

When I was a child I loved school, it was my favorite place to be.

I was angry at the summer, and I couldn’t wait any longer for school to start again.

And now I HATE SCHOOL.

As a kid I experienced happiness.

But now I’m at the point where I will be trained for the rest of my life to pursue happiness.

But the past is all memories.

Time to grow up, time to be me, time to discover.  

Bricks post. I'll pass...

At first it was perfect, how couldn’t you see that?

After that night I felt alone,

I wanted to be silent I wanted the world to keep it quiet.

You broke my heart, I was falling apart.

I felt like my bedroom was the only place I could be myself, I locked up myself from the world.

Nothing matters, no one matters anymore.

My feelings were strong.

I was angry more than anything.

I could never make it normal anymore; it could never be the same.

You asked for forgiveness endlessly.

Instead I forgot, I made myself believe it was just a dream.

I couldn’t live in darkness anymore.

Above me I could see the bright sky, it was warm and welcoming.

The ladder wasn’t enough for me to reach to the top.

It took me years before I could start building the stairway to reach high.

I was not afraid anymore, again I felt like I was finally myself.

Now I could forgive, could you believe that?

Yes, I even build a bridge between us.

I can be open now, thanks to you I am me.

I am strong now; you can’t break through me anymore. No one can…

I had time to build myself up, I am complete.

You cannot destroy me.

 

Reach high my friend.

 

Arevoir!